This post may have a bit of a different tone than all the others (don’t worry there’s still a recipe down below 😊). But I feel this is a perfect platform to fully share my feelings on having multiple pregnancies, while trying to pursue my baking hobby and continue to find myself in my role as a mommy. Also, sis needs to vent. Baking full time will always be a dream of mine, but life has handed me wonderful little babies that take up 90% of my time (let’s be real, it’s more like 100%). So, for now, baking is a hobby.

When I had my first baby, I thought life would just bounce back and I could get back on track to achieving my goals. WOAH were my expectations for myself crazy. Ultimately, I set the bar WAY too high and fell into deep postpartum depression and anxiety. I thought I should be able to do it all, lose the weight, keep taking on baking jobs while working full time in my daytime job, and make sure my house was always perfect. Because Pinterest is life and I should be able to look like everyone on social media, right? RIGHT?!? But there was this beautiful little angel staring back at me every day, how could I feel this way? Everyone will tell you to just let the little things slide and focus on what is important, but what if you can’t? I was mentally and often physically crippled by the weight of it all.

**Here’s where I tell you I literally thank God every day for my patient husband**

My second baby saved me. I discovered her only 4 months postpartum from my first. I was terrified and angry. On top of that, the guilt that my first baby wouldn’t get all the attention I thought I would give her really weighed on me. Now, back to that saving me part? Becoming pregnant so quickly after my first quite literally saved me from continued months of depression. That hormone surge just evened me right back out. I was ultimately able to enjoy that new little baby growing inside me. Which was wonderful because she ended up just being a little bundle of pure joy. She fights hard, but she loves even harder.

Fast forward just 10 short months and BAM, another pregnancy. This one came to us as even more of a shock than the second. Ultimately, come September I will have had 3 babies in 2.5 years AND IT IS NO JOKE. I have Hyperemesis (essentially constant nausea and vomiting through the WHOLE pregnancy), I have torn multiple ligaments, been hospitalized, received multiple IV treatments, and suffer from vertigo. Also, just… everything hurts… all the time. But, pregnancy is beautiful right? HA!

**Here’s where I tell you again I literally thank God every day for my patient husband**

Also, with each pregnancy, the loneliness is REAL. To no one’s fault, family and friends ultimately show less and less interest when you keep having more babies. They tend to think you have it all together and may not realize you’re screaming on the inside (sometimes on the outside too). It may not help that every time someone asks how I am feeling I say, “Like shit!” 😊 I’ve slowly learned that sometimes honesty isn’t the best. Between working full time and taking care of my little ladies, I’ve hardly had time to focus on myself. When I do have a moment and everything catches up to me, I cry. Not always because I am sad, but sometimes because I can’t wait to meet this little man and I have NEVER been more hormonal.

I’m not writing all of this for sympathy, but because maybe there is a mom out there on her first, second, third or fourth baby that needs to hear this. It’s ok to feel “like shit.” It’s ok to not feel beautiful or graceful during your pregnancy. IT’S SO HARD. But, you are doing a great job! Because at the end of the day, if everyone is still alive… you did it! In all seriousness, the physical and mental demands of being pregnant are so different for everyone. We all require different things to help us get through it. For me, it’s a moment alone to bake. That’s when I feel most like myself again. Also, cookies really make everyone feel better. So, if you are a mom (or just someone in need of a pick-me-up) and are reading this, find a moment and make these cookies. Then, eat these cookies… ALONE. Take a breath and enjoy them. Even if your alone time also happens to be shower time? Great. Hiding in a closet for 30 seconds? Been there. Turning the music up in the car while the kids scream in the back? Yep, that’s a great time.

What you’ll need for these magical therapy cookies:

• 1/2 cup unsalted butter (melted)
• 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 2/3 cup brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 egg
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 cups chocolate chips

Now what do you do:

1. Mix melted butter with peanut butter until smooth.
2. Add brown sugar and granulated sugar. Mix until creamy.
3. Beat in vanilla, egg, baking soda, and salt.
4. Mix in flour slowly until cookie dough forms.
5. Stir in chocolate chips.
6. Scoop 2 tablespoon sized cookie dough balls onto cookie sheets covered with parchment paper.
7. Chill 30 minutes.
8. Preheat oven to 350°F.
9. Press cookie dough balls flat with the tines of a fork.
10. Bake cookies for 8-12 minutes, or until slightly brown on the bottom and the top just loses the wet cookie dough look. This is crucial, you want to slightly under-bake these.

I hope that by airing all of this, someone out there feels a little bit better or more empowered to embrace the chaos. Come, join me!

Also, these cookies are delicious.